Jay and Silent Bob vs The Labyrinth
by Sharkdiver1980
Summary: What happens when the two Jersey Stoners have to solve the Labyrinth? Sarah comes along for the ride and Madness ensues...PLZ Review! COMPLETE
1. Qwick Stop

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination.

**AN:** This story IS a Comedy, it is rated R mostly for very explicit language (The trademark of any good Kevin Smith movie), as well as the use of Marijuana...I do not condone the use of marijuana to anyone...it is illegal (he he). Please read and review! This is a crossover Fic that I think anyone with a sense of humor will enjoy. If you have never seen any of Kevin Smith's movies, you may want to rent one so you better understand Jay and Silent Bob's Characterization in this story...Movies such as: Dogma, Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mall Rats, and Chasing Amy are all kick ass. Don't forget to leave me a review!!!

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Chapter 1: "The Qwik Stop"

Sarah zipped her suitcase and threw the last of her things into her overnight bag. She took one last look around her old room and spotted something red sticking out from her bookcase that caught her eye. She walked over to the bookcase and pulled out her old copy of "The Labyrinth".

"God it's been years since I read this!"

She thought for a few moments about her childhood adventures in the Labyrinth and almost gave into the urge to call on one of her old friends. She looked at her watch and realized she needed to get back to school if she was going to make it there before dark. She took the book and shoved it into her overnight bag and tried to zip it up.

"Shit!! The zipper is broken again! Oh well, it'll just have to stay open." She said to herself.

She grabbed her bag and suitcase and made her way downstairs to say goodbye to her father, stepmother and Toby.

"Bye Guys, I'm heading back up to school now!" She called as she dragged her suitcase down the stairs behind her.

Toby ran over and just about mowed Sarah down with a huge bear hug.

"Bye sis, make sure you bring me something next time you come home, okay?"

"I will. You behave yourself for mom and dad, okay?"

"Yup."

Toby moved aside so that Sarah could hug her parents too.

"Here, let me help you with those, honey."

Sarah's dad grabbed her suitcase (which weighed a ton) and helped her out to her car. Sarah popped the trunk of her old silver convertible mustang and threw her suitcase in. She carefully placed her open overnight bag on her backseat, and then moved to the back of the car to close her trunk.

"Be careful driving, and call us when you get there."

"Okay Dad, I will."

Sarah's dad gave her another hug and she climbed into her car and started the engine. She beeped the horn as she drove away, wishing she didn't have to leave so soon, but she had a five-hour drive ahead of her as she headed back to school in New Jersey.

* * *

Sarah turned the radio on and drove all afternoon. It was about dinnertime when she realized she had missed lunch and she was a little hungry. She had just entered her college town when she saw a small convenience store up ahead on the left. She decided to stop there to grab some food before she got back to her dorm. The sign for the store read, "The Qwik Stop". She pulled into the parking lot and parked in a space in front of the store.

There were two guys, obviously loitering, standing in front of the store that were extremely obnoxious. She had seen them around town a few times but had no desire to talk to either one of them. The one with the long hair and baseball cap grabbed his crotch and yelled, "Hey you want some of this? My friend Silent Bob here needs some head, whaddya say?"

"Fuck off!" Sarah spat back with disgust. "Some people are so crass!" she thought to herself as she walked into the store.

Jay looked over at Silent Bob when she walked into the store and gave him an approving smirk.

"She wants to fuck....Bonnngg!"

Silent Bob nodded, and pointed over to her car and Jay started walking over to it. The canvas top was down exposing her backseat. Silent Bob looked at her open overnight bag and spied a pair of her panties. Jay noticed the small red book sitting on top of Sarah's things and picked it up and shoved it into his pocket while Silent Bob smuggled her panties.

Sarah looked around the store and finally settled on a bag of sun chips and a coke. As she neared the register, she overheard the clerk and another guy who appeared to be just hanging out talking about the universe.

"So Randall, what you are trying to tell me is that this life, that we live day in and day out might only be a tiny part of some all-encompassing reality."

"Dante, you're too closed minded."

"Well, what types of things do you see as being different from this reality?"

"There are probably aliens...too many people have been able to describe them similarly."

"Tricks of the media, my friend."

"No, there is something more to this universe, though like other realms and shit."

Sarah smiled knowingly, as once again her thoughts strayed to the Underground.

"Don't you think so?"

"Hmm? Are you talking to me?" Sarah asked shyly.

"Yeah, don't you think there is something else out there?"

Sarah swallowed and nodded, "Yeah, I suppose I do."

She paid for her food and headed for the door. She braced herself for the barrage of obscene comments that was sure to come her way. Looking straight ahead, Sarah headed for her car as she heard Jay yell out, "Let's get makin' with the love and Shmoke some weed!"

Sarah turned around disgusted and replied, "No Thanks." As she hopped into her car and sped off, she could still hear him yelling after her, "You're just jealous because we didn't want to fuck you!"

Sarah mentally reminded herself NEVER to go back to that convenience store again.

Five minutes later, Sarah pulled into the parking lot of her school dormitory. She grabbed her bag of Sun chips and her coke and absent mindedly threw them into her overnight bag...something wasn't right...

"That's strange, I know that book was in here when I left..."

Sarah ruffled through the items in her bag and the book was nowhere to be seen. Just when she was about to give up, she glanced down and saw a small piece of paper that looked all crinkled up.

"What's this?"

She picked it up so that she could examine it more closely and she saw that it was the remnants of an already smoked joint.

"Those Assholes went through my car!"

Sarah threw the roach into her ashtray and jumped into her car and headed back to the Qwik Stop to confront those two obnoxious thieves.

* * *

Jay tapped silent Bob on the arm and gestured to the store.

"Let's see what those two cock smokers are up to."

Silent Bob nodded and followed Jay into the Qwik Stop.

"Hey you fuckin stoners, get out of the store," Dante yelled.

"What's your fuckin problem Grizzlie Adams? Me and Silent Bob here wanted to pick up some cigarettes."

"Here, now get the fuck out of here." As Dante whipped a pack of cigarettes at Jay.

Silent Bob's eyes lit up and he pulled the panties out of his overcoat pocket and held them up proudly.

"That sexy slut that was just here, Silent Bob just swiped her panties...you want a sniff?"

"That's disgusting." Randall said in mock contempt.

"You fuckin pussies" Jay shot back.

Jay pulled the small red book from his pocket and showed it to Dante and Randall.

"Look I grabbed this from that Bitch's car too. Maybe there's pictures of people fuckin in here..."

"Bunch of fuckin savages" Randall muttered under his breath.

Jay flipped through the book, and to his dismay, there were no pictures. He read a few sentences out loud.

"And what no one knew, was that the King of the Goblins had fallen in love with the girl. What's this shit??!! Fetish porn?" Jay shook his head. He read a few more paragraphs to himself about the part where the girl wishes away the screaming baby to the Goblins.

Jay looked up when he heard tired squeal in front of the store and a familiar silver mustang. Jay quickly tossed the book to Silent Bob as Sarah stormed in in a rage.

"I want my book back...NOW!"

Jay tried to play innocent but Bob still held the book in his hands along with her panties that dangled from his pinky.

Sarah gasped, horrified that these two managed to snatch her panties too – They could keep them. She was certainly never going to touch them again.

"Give. Me. The. Book!"

"Alright, alright...you get off on Goblins and shit...it's cool..."

"What??!! No...just...shut up."

"Bob, give her the fuckin book before she rips our peckers off. Chill the fuck out already."

Bob slowly handed the book back to Sarah but held back on the panties.

"Jesus mother fucker, give her her shit! God, I wish the Goblins would take this fat fuck away right now!" Jay yelled.

"WHAT? Oh NO!!!!" Sarah squealed.

Suddenly swirling fog mixed with glitter filled the store. When the air cleared, the Goblin King was standing where Silent Bob stood only moments earlier.

"Hey Peter Pan Mother fucker, where did you come from?" Jay said.

Jareth ignored the comment and settled his gaze firmly on Sarah.

"Well, well, well...what have we here. Didn't you learn your lesson the first time around?"

"It wasn't me....I..."

"What's said is said..."

Jay, Dante, and Randall looked utterly confused as they watched the exchange between Sarah and the Goblin King. Although, Jay just couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Who's this tights wearin' bitch?"

The Goblin King looked at Jay and formed a crystal on his fingertips and began to twirl it menacingly.

"Hey, how the fuck did you do that?? That's like cirque de soleil shit!"

"Aren't you the slightest bit concerned for your plump friend?" Jareth asked Jay.

"I don't care about that Tubby Bitch..."

Sarah elbowed Jay hard in the ribs. She couldn't let some asshole's ignorance condemn anyone to life as a Goblin.

"Let me save him, please?" Sarah implored Jareth.

"Sarah, this isn't your battle. The choice is his." Jareth replied coolly.

"What choice?" Jay asked in genuine curiosity.

"You have 13 hours to solve the Labyrinth or your "Chubby Bitch" Becomes one of us, forever."

"Okay, I'll give it a go...are there any sluts in the Labyrinth?"

Sarah elbowed his again, and tried to bargain with Jareth. She knew full well that this fuck up could never win alone.

"Let me go with him, please? It was my fault this happened. If they hadn't of found my book, Jay would've never said the words and you know it." Sarah said defiantly.

"Sarah, Sarah, always trying to be the heroine. If I let you help this...man...what will you give me in return?"

"What...what do you want?"

"I'll let you help him on one condition. You must surrender yourself to me whether he finishes the Labyrinth or not."

"That's not fair!" Sarah cried.

"You say that so often...I wonder what your basis for comparison is..." Jareth interjected.

"Alright. All right. I'll....I'll..."

"You'll what?"

"I'll stay with you."

Jareth smiled wickedly as if he had just won the best prize at a carnival game. "Done."

He replied.

In another puff of swirling glitter and smoke, Jay, Sarah and the Goblin King were gone.

Dante looked over at Randall and yelled, "I wasn't even supposed to be here today!" While Randall crossed his arms over his chest with a triumphant smirk as his theory on other realms proved to be correct.


	2. Enter the Labyrinth

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination.

AN: I am so happy that everyone has really enjoyed the first chapter of this story...however, it WILL only get better...I also wanted to let any J/S romance fans know that I have also written a smutty J/S short story that has an NC-17 rating that I cannot post here...it is called "Sin City" and it is posted on my website, Sharkdiver's realm. The link to my website is in my profile. I would appreciate any reviews to my short story as well, I encourage all to sign my guest book and leave me reviews of the site, or of my work in general...Thanks so much!!! Please read and review!!!

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Chapter 2 - "Enter The Labyrinth"

Sarah and Jay appeared on the edge of the hill overlooking the Labyrinth. Jareth's voice echoed around them.

"You Have 13 hours in which to reach the castle in the center of the Labyrinth, or your...friend will remain here forever...such a pity..."

Jay looked out over the sprawling Labyrinth, and then at Sarah.

"We have 13 hours...there's plenty of time to fuck!"

"Ahh...I don't think so. Besides, you will need as much time as possible to get to that castle."

Sarah looked longingly towards the castle for a brief moment, but Jay noticed her expression and couldn't resist commenting....

"You're attracted to that glittery sideshow freak, aren't you!" Jay spat

Sarah, caught off-guard by Jay's accusation stammered, "what? N...No!"

"Yeah you are, you want to smoke his pole...I know the type."

"Whatever...let's get moving." Sarah muttered walking off towards the Labyrinth's gate, as Jay followed behind.

* * *

Silent Bob sat in the pit in the center of the throne room surrounded by unruly goblins. Jareth sat on his throne, crop tapping on his boot, looking utterly bored.

Bob took in his surroundings and reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint. No better way to think calmly than to get high. He put the joint to his lips, lit it, and inhaled deeply drawing in as much smoke as his lungs could hold. Jareth however, didn't miss a beat and was standing in front of Silent bob.

"And just WHAT do you think you are doing?"

Silent Bob exhaled a large amount of smoke and handed the joint to Jareth. Jareth looked at Bob completely stunned, so Bob made motions with his hand for Jareth to take a hit.

Jareth looked down at the small joint in his delicate hands and asked Silent Bob, "Is this the same plant that is traditionally smoked in a pipe?" Obviously meaning pipe tobacco.

Silent Bob looked up thoughtfully and shook his head with a wide grin. What Jareth didn't know wouldn't hurt him...maybe he would even lighten up a little...

Jareth looked at the joint again and said, "Well, I used to rather enjoy smoking a pipe." As he took a deep puff off of the joint.

* * *

15 Minutes later, Sarah and jay were still wandering aimlessly.

"Where is that damn worm??!!" Sarah groaned.

"What are you bitching about now? This isn't no fucking Labyrinth, Shit, it's got no fucking turns!!!"

"No, really, there are openings, they're just hidden in the walls..."

"OK, stop. Time for a smoke break."

"Ugh! We don't have time for you to be smoking cigarettes every five minutes!!!"

"This ain't no cigarette, this is mother fucking chronic weed..."

"You...you are going to do drugs? Here? Now?!!?" Sarah said horrified.

"That's the plan sweet tits."

"Excuse me??"

"You need to take a hit, you are way to uptight. Maybe after you smoke some of this you won't be such a fucking bitch."

"Don't you call me a bitch, I don't do drugs!"

"Fucking priss, here take a puff...this shit will help you find that crazy door you've been moaning about."

Sarah thought for a moment. She had never smoked pot before, but she had learned that she shouldn't take anything for granted in the Labyrinth...and getting worked up wouldn't solve anything.

"This will keep me relaxed and help me to think more abstractly?"

"Sure. If you say so, just shut up and smoke."

Sarah hesitantly took the smoldering joint from Jay and held it to her lips. Jay instructed her to hold in the smoke as long as she could after she inhaled it. Slowly she inhaled it, but nearly fell over in a coughing fit. Jay urged her to try again, but relax, so once again, she took a hit and this time held it in.

Sarah plopped down next to Jay leaning on the wall for support. They could spare a few minutes right?

* * *

Back in the castle...

Jareth sat down in the pit with Silent Bob, Laughing hysterically, hand clenched tightly over his stomach from laughing pain.

"L...Look!" Jareth shrieked as he laughed even harder and pointed to one of the goblins.

The goblin just stared blankly back at the Goblin King in confusion. The throne room was completely silent except for Jareth's hysterics. Silent Bob looked at Jareth and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen!" Jareth burst out laughing even harder.

Silent Bob shook his head and gave Jareth another hit off of the joint.

"This stuff is fabulous! Wherever did you manage to acquire it?" Jareth asked Bob.

Silent Bob just made a motion to zip his lips, letting Jareth know that it was a secret. He then reached back into his over coat pocket and pulled out another joint and gave it to Jareth.

"I'll just ahh...Save this one for later..." Jareth tucked it into his vest pocket and tapped it lightly with his hand for safekeeping. He couldn't imagine what would happen if the Goblins ever got a hold of it.

"Let's check in on your friends, shall we?"

Silent Bob shrugged his shoulders and looked back up at Jareth.

Jareth formed a crystal on his fingertips and began to swirl it when...Ooops!

Jareth stifled another laugh and kicked the shattered crystal shards away from his boots as he cleared his throat.

"Let's try that again..." Jareth muttered under his breath.

Silent Bob's mouth hung open in amazement as he watched Jareth twirl the crystal deftly from hand to hand.

"Show mw Sarah." Jareth spoke aloud.

In the crystal, all Jareth could see was thick swirling smoke.

"What in the Underground??"

Silent Bob scratched his head and looked at Jareth in confusion. Jareth stood quickly and mumbled, "I'll be back." As he disappeared leaving Silent Bob alone in the throne room.

"What do you two think you are doing?" Jareth snapped.

Jareth looked down to see Sarah slumped against the wall laughing so hard she was shaking. There appeared to be crinkled paper all around her on the ground.

"What is the meaning of this? And what is the mess?"

Sarah laughed so hard she snorted and fell over in a pitch of hysterics...

"She's got the munchies dude...I hooked her up with some candy bars I swiped from the Qwik Stop. She's totally baked!"

"Baked? What?" Jareth sputtered in confusion.

Jareth looked down and saw the remnants of a joint in Jay's hand and immediately understood why Sarah was acting the way she was.

Jareth blushed slightly, "Do remember, you are on sort of a time schedule here."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll be moving in a minute." Jay spat back at Jareth

Jareth shook his head as he looked down at the heap that was Sarah before he disappeared.

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AN: I hope everyone enjoyed that bit...more is coming shortly. Please review; I want to thank everyone who reviewed this story for ch. 1...you all made my day :)

Thanks to: Jester, Naina, Prettylittleowl, Dawn, Sweet Audrina, Barbie3sunset, Terrie, and Larina. If I didn't mention your name, and you left me a review, I thank has been messed up, and won't show me all of my reviews...it just means I haven't seen it yet :) Thanks again!!!


	3. Bo Bo Bo Boom! Certain Death!

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination.  
  
AN: Thanks again for all the kind reviews...I am having fun with this story...hope you all enjoy!!! Please leave me a review!!! Don't forget to check out my 

* * *

Chapter 3 – "Bo...Bo...Bo...Boom! Certain death!"  
  
Sarah stood, finally getting her giggles under control as she brushed herself off. She grabbed Jay's hand and pulled him up, signaling him it was time to keep moving. She quickly found the opening she had previously been looking for and stepped through into the dusty concrete part of the Labyrinth where the tile trolls live.  
  
"Your freaky-ass boyfriend had to show up and ruin the party again."  
  
"He's not my boyfriend."  
  
"Could've fooled me, you cream your pants whenever he shows up."  
  
"I do NOT cream my pants. Do you have to be so vulgar?"  
  
Jay ignored her question and quickly changed the subject...somewhat.  
  
"That dude doesn't wear any underwear...his meat is all rubbing up on his tights."  
  
"What??!! How do you know that?"  
  
"It's pretty obvious, it was all wiggly and shit, no restraint at all. Dude he'd be pitching a tent if you told him you'd fuck..."  
  
Sarah cut Jay off before he could even finish his sentence, "Why were you studying his crotch?? Hmm??"  
  
"I don't...what? It was all up in my face...a little hard not to notice...like you weren't getting hot over it."  
  
"I was too busy laughing to notice, sorry."  
  
"Just admit it, you think he's sexy and you want his hot beef injection."  
  
Sarah laughed and blushed a little, but not quite enough to give her away.  
  
"I do NOT!"  
  
"Why can't you just admit it? It's written all over your face!"  
  
Sarah sighed.  
  
"I can think of something else he'd like to put all over your face!"  
  
"You're so gross!! Just drop it okay!"  
  
"Fine by me. If you want his cock and can't admit it, no skin off my nuts. In the mean time, feel free to take out your sexual frustration on me."  
  
"No thanks, I'm good."  
  
"Just thought I'd offer."  
  
Jay finished the last of his joint and dropped the roach on the concrete ground. As they passed by, a small tile troll came out yelling and took the roach back inside of his home beneath the tiles. A minute later, smoke was filing out from the cracks around the tile and a small giggle echoed through the concrete maze.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Beats the fuck out of me, this place gives me the creeps like a bad acid trip."  
  
As they followed the direction of the pointing hands, they ended up in a dead end with the shield holding guards.  
  
"The only way out of here is to try one of these doors!" sniggered one of the shield guards.  
  
Sarah cut them off, "Yes, I know...one leads to the castle and the other one leads to certain death. Oh, and one of you always tells the truth and the other one always lies."  
  
"Correct! But which one will you choose??" Asked the guard.  
  
"I can't remember which one I picked last time...I know I ended up in an oubliette though.  
  
"Come on, which door?" The guards taunted.  
  
Jay looked at the shield guards in utter confusion...which end was up?  
  
"These mother fuckers have heads coming out their assholes too?" Jay asked Sarah utterly confused by the guards appearance.  
  
"Look at your attire you sniveling bloke! You look like an oversized troll yourself!" one of the guards spat back at Jay when he overheard Jay's comment to Sarah. The Guards on the undersides poked their heads out, pointing at Jay and laughing.  
  
"That's it you riddle talking mother fuckers...keep the insults coming...I'll slit your throats and shit down your neck!!"  
  
The guards froze and stared at Jay looking completely horrified. Sarah turned to Jay and offered quietly, "Was that really necessary?"  
  
"What?" Jay managed after Sarah shook her head in disapproval.  
  
Pulling Jay behind her, Sarah approached the guards and apologized for Jay's rudeness as she once again picked the WRONG door. 


	4. How about a Hand Job?

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination  
  
AN: Woooo! Two chapters in a row!!! You know the drill, please read and review.

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Chapter 4 – "How's about a hand job?"Sarah screamed as she and Jay fell continually downward in a blackish-gray spiral.  
  
"HELP!!!"  
  
Hands immediately stopped their descent as they grabbed onto Jay and Sarah.  
  
"What the hell is this shit??!!" Jay asked.  
  
"We're helping hands." The hands replied.  
  
"What the fuck..." Jay uttered in amazement, as he looked at all the different faces the hands were forming by coming together.  
  
"Which way?" The hands asked  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Up or down? We haven't got all day..."  
  
"We'll go down!" Sarah cut in before Jay could answer.  
  
"WHAT!!?? We need to get back up!" Jay yelled over to her as the hands began to let go.  
  
"Shh...don't worry...I know a short cut."  
  
"So...you wanna go down, huh?" Jay laughed under his breath.  
  
"Will you fucking drop it already???" Sarah shrieked at him.  
  
Sarah and Jay landed in the oubliette with a thud.  
  
"A little fuckin dark in here, don't you think?" Jay yelled out as he waited for someone to switch on the light.  
  
"Yeah, moron, we are in an oubliette...it's supposed to be dark."  
  
"Supposed to be dark? What like a French whorehouse? If someone's giving out freebies, I wouldn't mind a piece of pie. Shit I should've asked those helping hands for a hand job!"  
  
Sarah laughed, "I just have to find the door, it might take me a few minutes." Sarah reassured Jay.  
  
Sarah reached out blindly trying to get to the wall when she hit something warm and solid.  
  
"Who...who's there?" Sarah squeaked, not sure if she really wanted to know.  
  
"Me." Came a husky voice out of the darkness.  
  
"Hoggle?"  
  
Hoggle lit a match as he walked towards her and Jay.  
  
Jay looked Hoggle over and noticed a rather large bulky Jewelry sac hanging from his pants.  
  
"Who's this little faggot?"  
  
Sarah glared daggers at Jay as Hoggle just looked unphased by Jay calling him a faggot.  
  
"This is my friend Hoggle. He helped me so much the last time I was here."  
  
"Sarah, are you alright? He hasn' hurt ya or nuthin, has he?" Hoggle asked in concern.  
  
"Who? Jay or Jareth?"  
  
"Dude, I've asked her nicely and she still hasn't fucked me yet."  
  
Hoggle looked at Jay in confusion, not quite understanding what Jay was saying.  
  
"Sarah, what are you doing back in the Labyrinth?"  
  
"Well, Jay here wished away his friend Silent Bob by mistake and he had the option of solving the Labyrinth to get him back."  
  
"Alright, but that doesn't tell me why you're here."  
  
"Well, it was my fault it happened. Jay found my book and used it to wish away Silent Bob. If my book had never fallen into his hands this never would've happened."  
  
"And Jareth agreed to let YOU help him solve the Labyrinth, just like that?"  
  
"Well, no, not exactly..."  
  
"What changed his mind?"  
  
"I made a bargain with him."  
  
"What sort?"  
  
"Put it this way, after this, you'll be seeing a lot of me around this place."  
  
"You have to stay here??? FOREVER???"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Sarah, what have you done?"  
  
"Oh, it's all right little man...she's hot for that glittery mother fucker." Jay interjected  
  
"What? Sarah, are you in love with Jareth?"  
  
"Well, I..."  
  
"You...you are?" Hoggle managed to choke out.  
  
"Yes, I suppose I am. I always have been." Sarah finally admitted.  
  
"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT. She wants to fuck!"  
  
"Don't get your hopes up...even if I did, I certainly wouldn't fuck you..."  
  
Jay stuck his bottom lip out in a fake pout.  
  
"Well, we have to get Jay through this Labyrinth. Hoggle, can you help us find that door again?"  
  
"O'course."  
  
"Muchas Gracias little buddy, I'll save some snoochie moochie poochie for ya!"  
  
Hoggle looked bewildered at Jay once again and hobbled over to the small door. He quickly lifted the small door off of the ground and attached it to the wall. As the door swung open, light filtered into the oubliette.  
  
Jay jumped up and grabbed Sarah, pulling her along.  
  
"Let's get moving...we have to get to Silent Bob!" Jay urged.  
  
"Oh...I thought you didn't really care about it be that the Labyrinth is giving you a change of heart?"  
  
"Nah, he has the rest of my weed. I only have one joint left."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Thanks little dude, if we see a little slut we'll send her your way brother!"  
  
Hoggle shook his head and closed the door to the oubliette. 


	5. False Alarms and Hidden Truths

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination.

AN: I hope you guys have enjoyed this so far...it is just for fun. Please read and review...check out my website and sign my guest book if you haven't already!!!

* * *

Chapter 5 - False Alarms and Hidden Truths

"Turn back while you still can...this is not the way!" The large oversized false alarm heads bellowed from their niche in the walls.

"It's not necessary, I've already been through here before!" Sarah yelled behind her to the false alarms.

"Beware...for the path you will take will lead to certain destruction!"

"Just ignore them, they are only false alarms. We went this way last time I was here." Sarah said to reassure Jay that they were on the right path.

"Hold up...you never told me WHY you were here before..." Jay asked her spinning her around by the arm.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Sarah spat defensively.

"Shit!! I knew it!! YOU were the one in that little red book I was reading about...The one who wished the Goblins would come and take away your screaming bratty kid!!! I knew it! I knew you weren't no virgin!"

"Uh...no...not exactly." Sarah pulled Jay down through the tunnel and urged him to talk and walk at the same time.

"No? Well I don't have a mother-fuckin clue. So, are you gonna let me in on your little secret then, sweet tits?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!"

"Well, they are. I just call 'em like I see 'em." Jay muttered

"Nice...well, ok, here it is. I had that book that you stole ever since I was young. It used to be my favorite book. God, I used to go to the park and imagine I was the heroine and rehearse lines from it. I used to imagine that the Goblin King..."

"What? You fantasized about getting stuffed by the Goblin King?"

Sarah blushed, "Well, no, not really, but I had a little crush on him...he was so powerful and he could give me anything I wanted. I used to imagine that he was in love with me."

"That still doesn't tell me how you got here before. Just liking a book doesn't send people to other realms and shit...smoking crack does...trust me..."

"I'm getting to that. It's not something I am particularly proud of, but it happened. One night, I came home late from the park, caught up in the role of the heroine, and my stepmother was so mean to me."

"She was a real bitch, huh."

"You could say that...well, I had to stay home and baby-sit my brother AGAIN. They never even asked me...they just expected it, which made me all the more upset."

"So what'd you do?" Jay asked with genuine curiosity.

"They left me there with Toby who would NOT stop screaming...I just couldn't take it. That sound, it went right through me. I just wanted him to be quiet..."

"Aww man, you offed your brother???"

"What??"

"You killed your baby brother right?"

"Umm...no."

"Oh."

"I tried to tell him a story...of course it was sarcastic and dramatic because I was pissed, but I pretended I was the young girl in the book. So I held Toby up and I...said the words."

"What words?"

"Jesus you are really an idiot! What did you say to have Bob taken away?"

"I don't know, I thought that pansy ass was just watching and waiting...I didn't think that I...Oh wait...I wished the Goblins took him?"

"BINGO!! You sure did."

"And that fuckin shit works?"

"We're here aren't we?? Okay then."

"Oh, I get it now...I wished him away, so that is why I need to be the one to get him back. So, if I'm the one who is supposed to solve this thing, why did you try so hard to get him to let you come too?"

"Because I knew you'd be incompetent."

"Whatever, I can do this shit without your sorry ass. What the fuck are you good for? You haven't fucked me..."

"You're an asshole."

"Is he bothering you, Sarah?" a familiar male voice seeped out from the shadows.

Sarah spun around startled, "You...you scared me...no, everything is fine."

"If he touches you, I'll have him thrown straight into the bog." Jareth snapped.

"No, really, he's fine."

Jareth looked over at Jay, "How are YOU enjoying my Labyrinth?"

"It's a fuckin trip man...you should take people here more often, and charge money...This is Alice and Wonderland shit...You could sell small hits of acid at the gate. I could be your dealer if you need something."

Jareth looked a little confused.

"What is he talking about?" Jareth asked Sarah.

"I don't know...he...well...he smokes too much weed to make sense." Sarah replied.

"I see. So, Sarah..."Jareth turned his full attention to Sarah and ran a gloved hand down the length of her arm.

"I wouldn't do that man...she's horny as hell for you...if you touch her she might want to fuck right here."

Jareth raised an eyebrow and looked back at Sarah (Who blushed quite a deep shade of crimson), "Is that so..." Jareth smirked.

"Ahh...we have a time schedule to keep...we better go." Sarah finally broke the tension.

"Yes Sarah, run along and help your friend save his chubby...yeah...I'll see YOU later" He said with a smirk at Sarah before he disappeared.

"Don't even fucking say a WORD!!!" Sarah snapped at Jay.

Jay put his hands up and laughed heartily at Sarah's humiliation.

"I don't need to" Jay said quietly.

Sarah gave him a dirty look and pulled him over to the ladder that led up to the hedge maze.


	6. Silent Bob's Words of Wisdom

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: How lucky are you guys!! I updated!! Yay! I'm just kidding, I will have chapter 7 out real soon too. Don't forget to leave me a review :)

* * *

Chapter 6 – Silent Bob's words of wisdom

Jareth reappeared in the throne room and looked around. The Goblins were running amok, there were chickens everywhere, and Silent Bob had his head resting on his hands looking utterly bored...that is when the music started...

Jareth reached over and grabbed a Goblin by the front of its shirt and said, "You remind me of a babe..."

The Goblin replied, "What babe?"

"The babe with the power."

"What power?" The Goblin cried.

"The power of voodoo."

"Who do?"

"You do!"

"Do what?!?"

"Remind me of the babe!" Jareth shouted as he let go of the Goblin and began to sing and dance around the throne room, kicking goblins out of the way, totally caught up in the "Dance, Magic Dance" number.

Mid-song, Jareth looked over at Silent Bob and saw his puzzled expression. He immediately froze as if he had been caught wearing women's underwear in a sports bar. The music died in the background as if someone ripped the needle off of a phonograph.

"What??!!" Jareth asked Bob in confusion. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Silent Bob walked over to Jareth, shaking his head in disapproval, and gently placed his hand on Jareth's armored shoulder.

"Do you love her?" Silent pointedly asked Jareth.

"What? Whom?" Jareth sputtered trying to dodge the question.

"You know who." Silent Bob added knowingly.

"Sarah?" Jareth muttered

Silent Bob shook his head in agreement.

"I...well, I guess I...What concern is it of yours?" Jareth asked Bob suddenly sounding defensive.

"I'm just trying to help man. There are a lot of fine looking women in the world, but not all of them would run your stupid Labyrinth. Ask yourself, what is a Labyrinth for? It is to keep something safe and hidden deep inside. Isn't that what you are doing? Keeping your feelings hidden from her? Maybe if you didn't act so cruel and "gay" she would be more responsive to you."

"What do you mean 'gay'??"

Silent Bob just looked at Jareth and gestured to his previous singing and dancing.

"Hmm...alright, I see your point. Anything else I should know?" Jareth asked Bob

"The tights. The tights are gay." Silent Bob answered honestly.

"I love these! They are NOT tights...they are riding breeches." Jareth answered smugly.

Silent Bob just looked at Jareth pointedly and raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, alright! So they are a bit revealing. I will see what I can do."

Silent Bob nodded in approval and patted Jareth on the arm. Jareth looked over at the clock and saw that 4 hours had already elapsed.

"Let's see where they are, shall we?"

Jareth formed a crystal on his fingertips and held it in front of Silent Bob so that he could see as well.

* * *

The lid slid off of the old pot easily as Sarah and Jay climbed out into the hedge maze portion of the Labyrinth. They both took a good look around and Sarah searched for things she would remember from her last trip here.

"This is exactly how I remembered it! Look, the old Wiseman and his bird hat are even here."

"What??"

"Oh, come on...lets see if he can help us."

Sarah pulled Jay up to where the old man was sitting and asked if he could help them get to the castle.

"Ah, a young girl, and a young man." The wise man acknowledged.

"Woo woo woo!" The bird whistled.

"Dude! Your fuckin hat can talk!" Jay sputtered.

"How's that for brain power!" the bird sniffed at Jay.

"What did you say?" Jay lashed at the bird, narrowing his eyes.

"You heard me stupid!" Spat the bird.

"Will you please be quiet!" shouted the old man at the bird.

"Yeah you best keep your trap shut if you know what's good for ya!" Jay shouted back at the bird.

"You gonna make me?" the bird peeped

Before the old man had a chance to say anything, Jay ran full speed and tackled his trying to strangle the bird.

"Jay!" yelled Sarah, appalled at his actions. She ran over and pulled Jay up off of the old man and then helped him to his feet.

"How'd you like that, Bitch! Yeah!" Jay taunted at the bird

Sarah apologized to the old man, his bird hat hanging limply from his head, apparently unconscious.

"I'm terribly sorry...my friend has a really bad temper."

"It's quite alright young lady, that bird has had it coming for some time."

"We better get moving then." Sarah said to Jay as she urged him ahead.

"Remember young lady, the way forward is sometimes the way back!" The old man shouted after Sarah's retreating presence.

"Thank you!" Sarah shouted back as she and Jay disappeared into the bushes.

"And what the FUCK are you thanking him for?? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?" Jay spat at Sarah, still clearly riled.

"Honestly, I have no idea what it means...I just thanked him because I was being polite. It was the least I could do after you tackled him."

As they made their way through the hedges, they found Ludo walking towards them.

"Ludo!" Sarah called excitedly towards him.

"What the fuck is that? Some kind of mutated monkey??" Jay muttered.

"Sawah! Sawah fwiend!" Ludo mumbled in his own manner.

"Jay, this is Ludo. He is a gentle beast that helped me the last time I was here. He can call the rocks!"

"Rocks fwiends! Ha ha yeah!" Ludo said, as he got excited.

"He's getting a little excited, watch out he doesn't hump your leg." Jay said sarcastically.

Sarah clicked her tongue at Jay in a disapproving way and turned her attention back to Ludo.

"We have to make it to the castle again, can you help?"

"Uh! No..." Ludo said sadly to Sarah

"Oh, you poor thing, did Jareth punish you?"

"No, Can't help Sawah again, or live in fowest alone." Ludo said apologetically.

"Ohh...it's okay Ludo. We can manage this time. It was great to see you again." She said to Ludo as she gave him a hug before turning to leave.

"Bye Sawah."

Sarah smiled at Ludo and urged Jay to keep walking deeper into the hedge maze.


	7. Playing with Fire

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: Here is chapter 7!!! I am already half way done with this...Yay! Seriously though, I haven't seen many reviews...I know you are out there!!! Please give me feedback, or even any comments you may have...negative as well as positive are freely accepted. Questions are always welcome, I will answer your questions via email if possible, if not I will address them in the Author's notes of the following chapters. Thanks Again!!

* * *

Chapter 7 – Playing With Fire

A while later, after making a few turns in the hedge maze, Sarah and Jay came to the clearing where Sarah had first encountered Ludo.

"Look! There are the knockers!" Sarah cried in excitement.

"Knockers, where??!! How big are they??" Jay yelled looking around anxiously.

Sarah looked at Jay sarcastically and spat, "Not THOSE kind of knockers you idiot, door knockers."

"How the fuck should I know what the hell kind of knockers you're talking about??!! My mind is in the gutter 24-7! When you say "Knockers" I think of big beautiful luscious titties...not some stupid-ass fucking door bell!!" Jay yelled at Sarah.

"I get the point already...stop drooling over double D's and help me!"

"Fine by me, just don't get me excited because there is no one else here who can bring on the lovin."

"Fine I wont."

"Fine!"

"Mhmmrrhhh!" the doorknocker manages to grumble out from behind his ring.

"What did you just say?" Jay asked the doorknocker as he moved closer to pull the ring out of his mouth.

"Don't pull his ring...out." Too late Sarah sighed as she moved closer so she could hear what it was saying.

"I said, 'You again, huh. I'd like to see you get the ring back in my mouth this time!'"

"We have to get to the castle again, and I need to knock on this door."

"Hey check this out!" Jay yelled over to Sarah to get her attention. "This Guy has the coolest piercing I've ever seen! It goes right through his head!!"

"Huh?" The deaf doorknocker looked at Jay in confusion.

"Don't bother, he can't hear a thing!" The ring-less knocker said to Jay.

"Talk to the knob because the ears aren't listening!" yelled the deaf knocker.

"These two could be at it for a while" Sarah whispered to Jay "We have to get the ring back in his mouth se we can knock."

"Leave this to me..." Jay said coolly.

"Hey! You without the ring!" Jay yelled over to the loudmouth knocker.

The knocker sniffed and rolled his eyes up pretending to ignore Jay.

"Hey! Listen to this metal shit!"

"Huh?" interjected the deaf knocker again.

"Not you Helen Keller!" Jay yelled to the deaf one.

The ringless knocker moved his eyes over to Jay to sneak a peek at what he was doing, but still pretending to be uninterested.

"Don't worry...He'll love this song...when I distract him, you shove the ring back in his mouth." Jay quietly whispered to Sarah.

Jay cleared his throat and belted out, "My love for you like ticking clock, BESERKER! Would you like to suck my cock, BESERKER!"

The knocked didn't even seem the slightest bit swayed, and didn't even flinch.

"What the fuck! All the chicks back home dug it when Orloff sang it!"

"For goodness sake!" Sarah stepped in front of Jay and pulled her shirt up exposing her chest to the knocker.

The knocker opened his mouth wide eyed and stared unblinking at Sarah while she shoved the ring back into his mouth.

"There. Was that so hard?" Sarah said sarcastically.

"I...ahh...I...mhrmmh..." Jay stuttered.

"What?" Sarah asked

"You just flashed you tits!" Jay stammered still in awe.

"Yeah, well, I needed to do something to catch him off guard. Your stupid little song didn't do anything, so I took care of it."

"Can I see them again?" Jay asked hopefully.

"No."

"Oh...ok."

"Let's get moving, we're wasting time here."

Jay followed Sarah through the door as the knocker mumbled from behind the ring.

"Where the fuck are we now?" Jay asked.

"In the forest...this is where those freaky firey things live...they tried to take my head off last time."

"What??!!" Jay asked nervously.

"They thought they were just playing a game..." Sarah reassured him

"It's cool." Jay said casually as if the prospect of losing his head no longer freaked him out.

"HAAAAAAA!" The Fiery screamed as it jumped in the path in front of Sarah and Jay.

"THIS is what you were trying to tell me was gonna take my head??" Jay laughed

"Well, yeah...only, I remember them being a lot scarier a couple of years ago..."

The firey stoked up a bon fire as all the other fireys joined him.

"Hey lady! Where you think your goin'?" The firey asked

"We have to get to the castle."

"No lady, you got to join the party!" The chubby slobbery firey said from behind the other one.

"Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!" Jay said happily while pulling his last remaining joint out of his pocket.

"Jay! We don't have time for this!"

"It has only been about 6 hours...you said yourself we are more than halfway there and we still have 7 hours to go."

Sarah thought about it...last time, Jareth had taken time away from her to teach her a lesson in being humble. This time, he hadn't taken any. If she remembered correctly, all they had left to get through was the bog of eternal stench, the junkyard, and the Goblin City. Surely THAT won't take seven hours...they could spare a little time.

"Alright, alright...we can spare a little time, but no more than an hour."

"Sweet! I'm gonna get this party started the right way...raise your hands to the mother fuckin nooch!" Jay cried excitedly

Jay, surrounded by fireys who were watching him intently, lit the joint and took a big hit off of it and handed it to Sarah. She politely declined and made herself comfortable against a tree while Jay and the fireys smoked and danced.

"Do they know how to do that?" Sarah asked Jay

"I'll teach em' these mother fuckers will be as baked as Betty Fuckin Crocker in NO TIME."

The firey looked down at the joint in its paw and looked at Jay inquisitively.

"Watch" Jay said to the firey.

Jay put the joint up to his lips making sure the firey was watching him, and inhaled the smoke. Jay made sure to show him to hold it in and let it out slowly.

The firey nodded in understanding and took the joint again and took a successful hit as his eyes lit up like fire. Jay smiled and patted it on the back and urged him to share with his buddies.

After about 15 minutes, the joint was smoked and Jay and all the fireys were singing and dancing around the fire. They had changed the words from "Chilly down with the fire gang" to "Getting high with the fire gang".

Sarah looked at her watch and realized it was time to get moving again. She told Jay and said goodbye to all of the fireys as they kept moving towards the bog.

Just as they were heading to the Bog of eternal stench, it dawned on Sarah that Jareth wasn't interfering nearly as much as he had the first time she was in the Labyrinth. She found herself wondering what he and Silent Bob was up to.


	8. Who Farted?

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: I know it's been a while, but RL has been interfering again (Real Life  
:) ). Here is Chapter 8 to keep you satiated for a bit

* * *

Chapter 8 – Who Farted?

Sarah led the way as Jay followed closely behind her. As they neared the Bog of Eternal Stench, The smell emanated through the air around them.

"Aww, Jesus, what the fuck is that smell? Smells like the bathroom after Silent Bob drops a fucking deuce!"

"That is the Bog of Eternal Stench. Be careful not to get to close to it. If you even dip your foot in the bog, you'll smell bad for the rest of your life."

"You're fucking lying..."

"No, really...Hoggle told me."

"I'd smell like that shit? I'd never get laid again! No chicks would come near me...Hell, Silent Bob wouldn't even come near me...Fuck That Shit!"

Jay was so ensnared about thinking he would never get laid again that he didn't notice the small fox jump out in front of him.

"HALT! No one shall pass this way without my permission." Didymus stated.

"What the fuck is this thing now?" Jay yelled over to Sarah, "A Medieval Taco Bell Dog?"

"Didymus!!" Sarah yelled over to him not seeing him at first.

"My lady? My Lady! Fair maiden, you have returned! But...but...but...why?"

"It's a long story Didymus, but we're here for Jay this time."

"I see." Didymus said as he sized up Jay.

"Didymus, we need to get across. You don't need to come with us, but we do need your permission to pass...May we cross the rocks?"

"Of course my lady. Godspeed on your quest and may this valiant knight protect thou."

Jay looked at Sarah and laughed, "Is he for real?"

"What?"

"That little dude is stuck in medieval shit...He thinks I'm a knight...a valiant one at that!"

"Yeah, well Didymus would lay down his life to protect me if the need was arose."

"Wow. That's some fucking devotion. Did you fuck him?"

"WHAT???"

"You heard me, are you into beastie types or what?"

"No!! Jesus Christ No!!! How gross! He was just my friend for Christ's sake...have you no shame?"

"Oh, that's right...you're fucking saving yourself for that Blond freak in tights!!"

"I SAID...Drop IT!!"

"But you admitted it already!!"

"So?"

"But you...but...but..."

"Sarah gave Jay a look that shot daggers. Let's get across these rocks before I am tempted to push you into the Bog for real..."

"Jay looked down to where they were supposed to cross the Bog. The old bridge was still out from the last time Sarah had been through, but Ludo's rocks were still firmly in place.

"Dare me to jump in the Bog?" Jay asked teasingly.

"You know what?" Sarah turned to look at Jay with feigned innocence, "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU!" Sarah spat at Jay

Jay made a few faces behind her back, making himself feel a little better. He couldn't help himself though...he looked down into the bubbling green goop that constituted the bog and had an overwhelming urge to stick his finger in it. Sarah heard Jay sniff loudly behind her, and She turned around.

"Did you just do what I think you did?"

"What?" Jay said nonchalantly as he shrugged his shoulders.

"You fucking stuck your finger in the bog, and then sniffed it, didn't you!"

"No!!" Jay shouted back defensively, although his expression gave him away.

"Yes you did, and now you're gonna stink. Great. I'd actually laugh at you, and say you deserve it if I wasn't going to be stuck with you for the duration of this Labyrinth, Dumb ass!"

"I'm not REALLY gonna stink forever, am I?? Your Boyfriend can fix me right up I'll bet."

"I don't know if he can, but even if he could he probably wouldn't since I don't think he's too keen on you."

"Ahh...it's ok, I'll just blame the smell on you."

"What!! You wouldn't! That's not Fair!"

* * *

ENTER JARETH

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...I shall have that engraved as your epitaph."

"Jareth. What brings you to this side of the Bog? Did you come to manipulate us as usual or did you just miss the smell?"

"Sarah, always so charming...Actually, I thought I might try my hand at being merciful for a change. I know you haven't eaten since your...munchies, was it? I thought you might be hungry."

"Oh no...I'm not falling for that trick again...There are always ulterior motives with you..." Sarah stopped mid sentence as she heard a slurping noise behind Jareth. Jareth saw her confused expression and turned to see what Sarah was trying to look at when he saw Jay behind him, caught like a deer in the headlights, mouth already full of fruit."

Jareth smiled menacingly as he turned back around to look at Sarah.

"Looks like you have little choice in the matter, love. Your friend here has already consumed half of the basket. Now, I suggest you take a bite and get him out of trouble, or it's Goblin life for Silent Bob."

Sarah sighed loudly as she realized she was out of options. "Give me the friggin peach, Jareth."

"You don't have to be curt about it, love."

"Sorry. Give me the friggin peach, PLEASE... NOW."

Jareth smiled at her defiance and tossed her the small fruit. "I daresay you might even enjoy this."

Sarah grabbed the peach and took a rather large bite as a last act of defiance before surrendering herself to the intoxicating juices of the peach. Jareth disappeared laughing.

"I knew it was too good to be true..." Sarah muttered to herself just before the peach's effects took over.

Jay however, having taken sooo many drugs in his life, had a little more resistance to the peaches effects. He would still succumb to it, but it took a little longer.

"Oh man...what the fuck is in these peaches??" Jay muttered out loud to himself.

He heard Jareth's echoing voice answer back, "Magic."

"Is that like some kind of drug like Ecstasy? I need some more of this shit. I could corner the market back in New Jersey."

Jay stumbled back against the tree right next to Sarah and let the effects of the peach claim him entirely.


	9. Flesh for Fantasy

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: I have reworked chapter 9, so I would like you all to please re-read it, because it will now flow smoothly into the next chapter. I didn't change much, but I added a little bit of a different ending, and I added a teeny bit the fantasy part.

* * *

Chapter 9 – Flesh For Fantasy

Sarah opened her eyes and looked around slowly. She recognized the ballroom as being the same as the one she had been in the last time, except there were no masked dancers. There were still large mirrors adorning the walls and assorted beads and pearls hanging from the ceiling. Sarah looked down, expecting to see the large frilly ball gown, instead the sight the greeted her eyes was not at all what she had expected. Sarah was pretty much nude, with the exception of the sequined pasties that covered her nipples, and the red shiny hot pants.

Sarah reached down to cover herself in surprise when she looked across the room and spotted Jay. He was nestled contently in the pillow pit, scantily clad as well, surrounded by...wait a sec...it couldn't be...Guys??? There were several guys scantily clad in black leather, all wearing dog collars around their necks, fawning over Jay.

"What the??! What kind of dream IS this?"

"Sarah...."

Sarah spun around and found herself face to face with Jareth. He looked down and smirked as he saw her attire...or lack there of. Sarah modestly covered herself as best she could and held her chin high.

"What is all this?"

"This is Jay's fantasy, Sarah."

"His...fantasy? But...But...he is surrounded by...GUYS!"

"Yes, I know."

"But...Why?"

"It's very simple, Sarah. This is a fantasy realm. Everything the mind truly desires, however uninhibited can exist here."

"So, what you're telling me is...Jay is...GAY?"

"Yes."

"How come he was constantly badgering me to sleep with him then?"

"Simple. He was ashamed. He didn't want anyone to know what he really felt, so he hid it as best he could."

"So...let me get this straight...we are in Jay's fantasy right now."

"Yes."

"Jay is Gay."

"Yes."

"So, why am I dressed liked this? He obviously isn't interested in me!"

"Ah...That I must confess, was my doing." Jareth admitted with a smirk.

Sarah blushed and thought for a moment...

"If this is a fantasy world, Last time, we were in my fantasy...right?

"Yes...the truly innocent fantasy of a 15 year old girl...all you wanted was to dance with your Prince."

"So, that means you knew what I was thinking then..."

"Yes. It also means you should thank your friend, because if he hadn't eaten the peaches first, we would be partaking in YOUR fantasy right now...Your ADULT fantasy..."

Sarah gasped. She hadn't even thought about what would've happened if she had eaten the peach first. She thought to herself, 'Remind me to thank Jay...we would've been in a porno right about now..."

"We don't have much time, I have to go wake him."

"Do you really want to do that? He so looks as if he is enjoying himself...you could be too you know..."

"Ah...I don't think now is the BEST time...I have to go."

Jareth once again watched Sarah walk away determined to break the spell.

"So determined...we will meet again my love...you are only delaying the inevitable." Jareth whispered as he watched her run towards Jay.

"Jay! Get up! We have to go...Silent Bob Needs you!"

"Who? What are you talking about? I am about to get busy!"

"Oh, God, I wish you hadn't just said that...Ok, we are leaving...NOW."

Sarah scanned the room and locked eyes with Jareth, slightly pleading for him to help her.

Jareth slowly started to walk across the room towards them, and that is when Jay spotted him.

"Who is THAT???" Jay asked in awe.

Sarah looked horrified as she realized Jay was checking out Jareth.

"Ahh...oh...hmm." Sarah stammered not knowing how to handle the interesting turn of events.

When Jareth approached them, he simply pulled out a crystal in thin air and stated, "This is not real. It is an illusion of fantasy, as you were." The crystal shattered like a bubble, and Sarah and Jay found themselves drifting down into a massive junk pile.

Jay stirred and sat up, looking over to see if Sarah was okay.

"Oh man...I had the most FUCKED up Dream..."

Sarah looked at Jay and shook her head. She wasn't sure if he realized that she really did know what went on in his dream, because she really was there. She decided it would be better to keep quiet and pretend she didn't know anything.

"Yeah, I had a weird dream too...I dreamt I was in a giant donut, rolling down a hill towards a...a... Jellyfish farm."

Jay relaxed a little; thinking that Sarah's appearance in his dream was just a coincidence.

"Dude, I had this dream, I was in this huge ballroom right, and there were all these hot chicks rubbing me down with oil. They were primed too...next thing I know I remember seeing this gorgeous Blond walking towards me from across the room. I swear, all the other chicks in the room couldn't hold a candle to that one..."

Sarah choked back a laugh realizing that Jay had spotted Jareth in his fantasy, and obviously had an attraction to him...a strong one at that.

"Must've been a real beauty." Sarah managed with a straight face.

"Oh hell yeah...I would've loved to get her alone..." Jay said.

Sarah looked away, trying desperately not to burst out laughing. If there was ever a time to get the upper hand on Jay's mouth, this was it.

"Jay, I don't know if you want to...but I'm having a hard time controlling my...uh...urges, you know? Do you think maybe you might want to, you know, get it on with me? Like now?" Sarah asked Jay hoping against hope that Jay's fantasy was accurate.

"Uh...what!?...now?!?" Jay asked her nervously.

Sarah moved closer to Jay and held her breath so she didn't have to smell the bog, and she ran her hands over his chest seductively.

"Sarah, what are you doing??!!?"

"I thought that you wanted this?" Sarah asked innocently.

"Well, I ah..." Jay stammered.

"What?" Sarah asked waiting for Jay's defeat.

"I'm just holding out for that sexy blond bitch I saw in my dream. I'm pretty sure she's real...If so, I'd much rather bang her. But if we were gonna die or something, I'd fuck ya."

Sarah almost burst out laughing, knowing that Jay was clearly flustered. It was true, he didn't want her because he was holding out for Jareth!! Sarah could only imagine what Jareth's reaction would be to hearing this one...


	10. The Truth COMES OUT

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: Here is chapter 10...long awaited by some...Right Larina??? LOL

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Chapter 10 – The Truth COMES OUT

Sarah and Jay walked in silence through the Junk Yard for what seemed like an eternity.

"So...ah...why do you want to ride my bone so bad?"

Sarah sighed and rolled her eyes as she turned around to face Jay.

"Because I knew you were all talk." Sarah said a little sympathetically.

"What?? What are you talking about? I'll fuckin show my shit to you right now and you can commence with the sucking!"

"Okay, whip it out."

"What, right now?"

"Yeah, right now...lets see this monstrous beast."

"Uh...well I...I think that might be a bad idea."

"Oh? How so?"

"Your freakish boyfriend might get all pissed off and use some voodoo shit on me."

"Ah, so you're afraid."

"No, well...I mean..."

"Look Jay, I wasn't going to say anything before, but I saw your little fantasy...I know you're..."

"What? You know I'm what??"

"G.A.Y...Gay."

"That's ridiculous...me??? Gay???"

Sarah just looked at him unflinchingly and waited for him to give in.

"Alright, alright...so I've never actually made it with a chick...so what."

Sarah crossed her arms over her chest waiting for Jay to admit the whole truth.

"So I had a fantasy about guys, that doesn't mean I've ass-tagged them!"

"Okay, fine, fine. Let's just forget about it, okay?"

"Oh no you don't, you have to SWEAR that you won't EVER breathe a word of this to Silent Bob. If he heard about this, he's never let me hear the end of it."

"Okay, fine, I swear. Can we continue now please? I see the gates to the Goblin City just over there."

"NOT A WORD!!!!"

"Alright already, Jesus..."

Jay continued walking with Sarah just behind him. As they looked around, Sarah noticed there were junk piles everywhere. She remembered the last time she was in this junkyard, she found what she thought was her bedroom, but it had only been another of Jareth's tricks to make her forget.

"Hey, what's that over there?"

"What?"

"That!" Jay said as he pointed to a moving junk pile.

Sarah looked in the direction of Jay's pointing finger to see the junk pile slowly moving across the yard.

"Oh, it's probably just that creepy junk yard lady...she carries a lot of stuff on her back."

"Oh...why the fuck does she do that?"

"How the hell should I know? I didn't exactly ask her...hmm, let's see, 'excuse me creepy junk yard lady, but why do you have so much shit on your back?'...No Jay, I didn't ask her."

"Okay, you don't have to be such a bitch about it...I was just askin'."

"HEY! Hey you! Creepy Junk Yard Lady!" Jay shouted over at the moving junk pile.

"Oh God..." Sarah muttered to herself in embarrassment.

Jay ran over to the junk pile until he saw the withered woman hunched over beneath the weight of all her junk possessions.

"Why are you carrying so much shit on your back? The bums back home push all their shit around in shopping carts they ripped off from the grocery stores..."

The junkyard lady looked at Jay completely baffled.

Jay looked around and spotted an old discarded carriage that he grabbed and pushed over to the junkyard lady.

"Here, put all your shit in this. It'll keep ya from getting a hunchback like fuckin Kwazimodo."

The junkyard lady put some stuff in the cart and her face lit up in a smile as some of the pressure was relieved from her back.

"There, you see? Now you're a sophisticated bum." Jay said reassuringly to the woman as her placed a hand delicately on her withered shoulder.

Sarah slapped Jay on the elbow and urged him to head towards the Goblin City gates.

Sarah looked back at the Junkyard lady, who was still staring at them, and offered, "I'm sorry, he has a bit of a mental problem."

The Junkyard lady nodded and moved happily on her way pushing the cart in front of her.

"Okay, last time I was here, all the goblins attacked us, and the only way I was able to make it to the castle was because Ludo called the rocks for help."

"How big are these Goblins, anyway?" Jay asked.

"Oh, I don't know, about this high?" Sarah hunched down low to show Jay they weren't much taller than her knees. "Some are a little taller, but not much."

"You're fuckin serious?"

"What?"

"You couldn't get past a bunch of ankle biters that are only as tall as your kneecaps?"

"I was younger then, and there were so many of them..."

"Oh man, I'll just drop kick that shit like the fuckin Taco Bell dog. Lets get Silent Bob and get the HELL outta this fucked up wonderland."

Sarah sighed and followed Jay up the gates of the Goblin city. Sarah looked down at the watch Jay had given to her when they had first entered the Labyrinth.

"Um, Houston? We have a problem..." Sarah shouted sarcastically.

"What now?"

"When was the last time you changed the battery on this watch?"

"Never, why?"

"Well Genius, the watch fuckin' died!"

"What? When?"

"How the hell should I know? Not too long after we left the fireys it looks like..."

"So how much time do we have?"

"I don't fuckin know, we have probably wasted a lot and didn't even friggin realize it...FUCK!" Sarah screamed in frustration.

"Calm down, let's just get in there and do this...we might still be able to make it..."

"Oh yeah? And what if we don't? Are you willing to take that chance?"

"Looks like we have to...you never know, maybe with a little head bobbin' action on your part we could make a deal or something..."

"Asshole...Let's not waste any more time..."

"After you, sweet cheeks."


	11. The Goblin City

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: I have soooo much to tell you guys...I have finished this story...there is 13 chapters (coincidence??? I think not...) I have made some photos of "SCENES" from this story if any of you are interested...they are **quite** funny if I do say so myself...go to my website, , click on "Fanfic and Cast Pages" and then on "Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth's Cast Page" once there, scroll down to the bottom and click on the link to "SCENES from Jay and Silent Bob". After you check them out, PLEASE PEOPLE...FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE.... SIGN MY DAMN GUEST BOOK!!! ( hehehe) The Guest book is on the main page near the bottom for those who have not been able to find it...hint hint. Oh yeah...at the end of this whole fashizle, I'll post an ending author's note to all my responses to all your lovely reviews...(yeah that's right, I do read em...)

Happy reading...

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Chapter 11 – The Goblin City...

Sarah peeked from around Jay as the large gates swung open into the Goblin City. This time, there was no giant monster trying to kill them with an axe, not since Hoggle had destroyed it. In fact, the city looked completely deserted, except for a few random chickens.

"There's nobody fuckin here!" Jay said rather loudly to Sarah. "Why the hell did I even listen to you? You're afraid of little tiny rug rats!"

"Shhh! We don't want to announce we're here!"

Jay rolled his eyes and turned around, and slowly headed into the Goblin City with Sarah following behind him. Jay stepped in front of one of the goblin huts and looked around.

All of the sudden, whole hordes or goblins surrounded Jay and Sarah, blocking their direct passage to the castle.

Sarah put her hands up slowly, and Jay laughed.

"You're kidding me, right? This will be like taking lunch money from fat kid..."

Suddenly, two of the goblins stepped aside to reveal a machine gun goblin that began firing mercilessly at Jay.

"SHIT!" Jay yelped as he dove for the ground.

Sarah crawled over to Jay combat style, and together they scrambled around the Goblin hut and into one of the nearby huts behind it. The Goblins didn't see in the dust of the gunfire where the two had escaped. Several goblins rushed by outside, running down the cobblestone streets of the Goblin City, trying to capture the two infiltrators.

"You told me they were little friggin things...you didn't say SHIT about guns!!" Jay scolded her.

"Well it sort of slipped my mind...besides, we have to concentrate now on getting to that castle...I'm sure we don't have much time to waste." Sarah replied coolly.

"Well Einstein, how do you propose we do that? In case you haven't noticed shit-for-brains, we're surrounded by little FUCKS with GUNS!" Jay yelled back.

"Yeah, yeah, I noticed...I have an idea though..." Sarah said biting her lower lip in contemplation.

"I'm afraid to ask..."

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Jareth paced back and forth in the throne room, when one of his minions ran in completely out of breath.

"Yer Majesty!!"

"Yes, what is it now?" Jareth asked the little creature impatiently.

"They're here! They've just entered the city!"

"Well, stop them!" Jareth shouted at him angrily, when suddenly, he felt something small and hairy on his leg.

Jareth looked down to see what it was, and found a small furry goblin happily humping his leg as he stood there.

"Insolent Beast!" Jareth yelled as he flung his leg outward with disgust. The small goblin was launched through the air, and landed with a **THUD** in the pillow pit in the center of the throne room near Silent Bob.

Silent Bob glared at Jareth. He didn't really think he was a bad guy, but he despised the way Jareth treated his goblins. To Silent Bob, they weren't very intelligent, but they almost seemed like pets somehow...

Silent Bob reached down and coddled the goblin to see if it was all right. It looked all right aside from being a little upset. Silent Bob's eyes lit up, and he placed the sad little goblin on his leg. The goblin smiled a toothy grin up at Silent Bob, and re-asserted his humping, this time on Silent Bob's leg.

Jareth looked over at the spectacle in the pillow pit gave Silent Bob a baffled look.

"What are you DOING? Get that Goblin off your leg...you are to be transported to the Escher room immediately."

Silent Bob nodded and patted the goblin's furry little head as he carefully removed it from his now-damp leg, and stood next to Jareth to be transported.

* * *

"Okay, see that ally between those huts over there?" Sarah pointed to the small winding path that led indirectly to the castle.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"When I tell you to, I want you to sneak down that ally. I'll be right behind you..."

"Yeah, but it's all open at the end in front of the castle...we'll be seen!" Jay argued

"I know, but if you run across to the castle, I might be able to cover you, and then just make a break for it myself. The doors to the castle will keep them out if we block them once we're inside."

"Ok, sounds like it's worth a shot, what are you planning to "cover me" with?

Sarah bit her bottom lip and looked around anxiously for something to throw...She noticed a burlap sack in the corner and went over to inspect its contents.

"Hmm...Potatoes. I guess I can use these..." Sarah muttered deep in thought.

"You're gonna try to save my ass with potatoes? Are you shitting me? I value my life you know...I may be a stoned mother-fuckin slut magnet, but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings..."

"Well, do you have a better idea?"

"Well, no..."

"Okay, so shut up and get moving..."

Jay cracked open the door and peeked out to make sure the coast was clear. He moved slowly down the narrow ally, his back against the side of the huts, With Sarah tip-toeing behind him with the potatoes. When he got to the edge of the ally way, he counted to three and made a run for it while Sarah pelted the gun-toting goblins with potatoes.

Once she saw Jay had made it to the castle, she ran out, whipping potatoes blindly all around her towards the goblins. Miraculously, she managed to reach the castle without being pumped full of lead. She closed the heavy castle doors and blocked them with a long wooden table that she dragged over from nearby.

Sarah looked around, taking in the intricate architecture of the castle, calling for Jay.

"Jay! Jay where are you!!"

She saw something move out of the corner of her eye, so she spun around quickly out of reflex. Jay peeked out from behind the tapestry he had apparently decided to hide under, and walked over to her.

"Is...Is it safe?" Jay whispered nervously to Sarah.

"Yes...we have to get to Silent Bob...do you still have my book??"

Jay shuffled around through his jacket, "yeah, I picked it up again after I gave it back to you the first time...I couldn't help it...I steal shit...it's like a disease..."

"Forget about it, you are gonna need the book, so I'm glad you grabbed it. Follow me..."


	12. Out of Time

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: SOOO almost there...just a little...further...there is still one chapter left.

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Chapter 12 – Out Of Time...

Sarah took off at a run with Jay right behind her, wondering where the hell she was going. Just when he was about to ask her, they stepped into a room that defied reality...

"Whoa...this is like...royally fucked up...where the hell are we??"

"The Escher room..." Sarah said softly as a tidal wave of memories crept down her spine. "Look for Silent Bob! Hurry!"

Jay looked around in awe, and to his surprise, he spotted Silent Bob smoking a jibba strolling across a sideways staircase above him. It was as if gravity didn't apply to him somehow...

"YO BITCH!! Silent Bob!" Jay shouted up to him.

Silent Bob looked over to Jay and nodded in greeting, exhaling a large amount of smoke.

Jay ran up the closest set of stairs with Sarah in tow, trying to figure out how to reach Silent Bob.

The room was so surreal, Jay almost felt lost. He looked around, and where he thought he would find Silent Bob, there was nothing. Now Silent Bob was somehow on the other side of the room, sitting on some other impossible staircase, this time smoking intently from a colorful glass blown pipe.

Jay left the stairs he was on, and scrambled to find another way he could reach Silent Bob.

"Silent Bob, Don't fuckin smoke all the weed bitch! Save me some of that Ganj!" Jay yelled.

Silent Bob looked at Jay again, offering the pipe in Jay's direction. Jay ran through a doorway that he thought should bring him to Silent Bob, but once again, it was to no avail. Jay looked at Sarah helplessly, and Sarah looked down to see Silent Bob sitting just below them on a ledge...the same ledge Toby sat on years before...

"Jay look!" Sarah pointed down at Silent Bob.

"Silent Bob! STOP SMOKING ALL MY WEED!!!"

Silent Bob looked up again at Jay, this time holding a rather large water bong as he blew the smoke up towards Jay.

"...We have to jump..." Sarah thought to herself, remembering this was where she jumped to get Toby.

Before she could even complete the thought, the smell of weed wafted up to her nostrils and Jay couldn't control himself...Jay grabbed Sarah's hand and jumped down, pulling her with him. Sarah let out a scream at the surprise of being pulled, but almost instantaneously the "falling" feeling became a "floating" feeling.

Jay and Sarah drifted slowly down, until they landed in a room that had fragmented pieces of wall floating aimlessly.

"Quick! Get the book – you have to say the words!!!"

Jay fumbled for the book as Jareth, as if on cue, strolled out of the shadows.

"What do I do now?" Jay asked impatiently

"Read these words! Hurry!" Sarah pointed to the part in the book, "The Labyrinth", where the heroine delivers her lines.

"Through...dangers un...untold, and hardships un...un...unumb...unnumbered..."

What is the problem? Can't you read?!? "Sarah asked horrified.

Jay looked at Sarah with a sorry grin, "A little, but Silent Bob never got me that hooked on phonics shit he said he was going to get for me..."

Sarah rolled her eyes and looked over at Jareth who had his arms crossed over his chest, patiently waiting.

"Why...why aren't you trying to stop us?" Sarah asked a little confused.

Jareth smirked and simply gestured to a large ornate clock that appeared to hang in mid-air.

"WHAT?!!? We ran out of TIME??? It can't be!!! How is that possible? By FIVE MINUTES!!! Oh come ON!!!" Sarah yelled out of frustration.

"Sorry love, you looked so determined, I didn't have the heart to tell you. Jareth said mockingly. "It's quite possible, I assure you. You have a one in a million chance of actually solving the Labyrinth in the allotted 13-hour timeframe. Last time you were here, I don't know HOW, but YOU managed it by sheer dumb luck. Not this time though, sorry love."

Sarah looked utterly defeated as she looked from Jay to Silent Bob and back to Jareth in disbelief.

"But you...you said ..." Jay began looking to find a reason as to how they could've lost so much time.

"I'm sorry Jay. I tried. I really did..." Sarah said sadly to Jay.

"Yes, well, get on with it...say your goodbyes, both Sarah and Silent Bob will be staying here." Jareth said indifferently, almost as if he was bored.

Jay's bottom lip trembled as the thought of never seeing Silent Bob again, or hanging out with him in front of the Quick Stop sunk in. Silent Bob was already crying softly as Jay moved towards him.

"Every time you smoke a fatty-boom-batty blunt think of me, okay?" Jay said to Silent Bob as he hugged his long-time companion. Silent Bob nodded and wiped his eyes.

"Oh come ON, Jareth, you can't separate these two, look how pathetic they are without each other!" Sarah pleaded. She looked past Jareth to see Jay giving her "blowjob" signals so that she could "commence with the sucking". Sarah made a face, and looked back at Jareth who was now looking down at Silent Bob deep in thought.

Silent Bob sat quietly crying with a small goblin curled up in his lap. As Jareth looked at this seemingly pathetic man, a thought occurred to him...

"Tell you what...I won't keep them apart under ONE condition." Jareth stated matter of factly.

"What is it??!!" Sarah and Jay shouted almost in unison.

"Jay has to stay HERE with Silent Bob, and the two of them must agree to take over this realm as Goblin King and..." Jareth took a sidelong glance at Jay, "Er...queen."

Jay gave him a dirty look, but knew better than to open his mouth for once.

"What about you?" Sarah asked Jareth, confusion coloring her features.

"Well, as I see it, YOU my dear have promised yourself to ME regardless, so I figure I can go back to YOUR world with YOU."

"You...you want to be with me?" Sarah asked shyly.

"Yes Sarah. I have always wanted to be with you. I knew how you felt about me long ago, but I knew you wouldn't trade your life in the Above-world to be with me easily. Now, it looks as if you won't have to." Jareth's mouth spread into a seductive grin.

Sarah bit her lip and smiled, but couldn't help but wonder WHY he would give up HIS life in this world so easily.

"Jareth I don't mean to ruin the moment, but..."

"You're wondering why I'm so willing to give all this up?" Jareth finished for her.

"Well, yes."

"Simple. I don't like being the Goblin King. There is no one here with a SHRED of intelligence to talk to on a day-to-day basis, and I really am sick of goblins. Nasty little beasts, really. I was given the title through inheritance, and unless I either pass it on or I die, I'm stuck with it. As I'm sure you can see, this opportunity is too perfect to pass up. It's my only chance to be free and live as I choose to..."

Jareth took Sarah's hand in his and kissed it graciously, "With the person I choose to..." Jareth finished as he looked deeply into Sarah's eyes and saw the desire in them.

Sarah blushed darkly at Jareth's confession. She had to admit, the whole prospect of Jareth living in her world would be more than a little strange, but it would also be wonderful. Most women never get to meet the man of their dreams let alone have a relationship with him.

"If I could interrupt this little Hallmark moment, don't me and Silent Bob have any say in this?"

"Not if you wish to remain together, you don't." Jareth glared at Jay.

"Okay, say we choose to stay here...there are certain...NECCESSITIES...we would require." Jay said to Jareth

"Well, as rulers of the Goblin Kingdom, naturally you will inherit Most, not all, of my power. If there is something you require, merely ask for it and you shall have it at your disposal." Jareth explained impatiently.

"You're shitting me! Anything we want we can have??" Jay asked him excitedly.

"No, I'm not 'SHITTING' you, as long as it truly already exists, you can summon it."

Jay slapped Silent Bob on the arm and he nodded in approval.

"Can I try it out first?" Jay asked Jareth pleadingly.

"Oh, I suppose, if it will shut you up..." Jareth muttered exasperatedly

Jay smiled at Silent Bob and said aloud, "I need a shitload of weed!"

"Hang on, be a little more specific...magic won't be able to determine exactly how much a 'shitload' is." Jareth corrected.

"Okay, I need 50 POUNDS of WEED!"

Before he could blink, a pile of marijuana, weighing exactly 50 pounds appeared on the floor in front of Jay.

"HOLY MOTHER-FUCKIN SHIT! Roll a big-ass blunt, Silent Bob, we're about to get FUCKED up!" Jay yelled to Silent Bob, whose eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

"So does this mean you accept my generous offer?" Jareth asked Jay.

Jay looked at Silent Bob and he nodded again in full approval.

"YEAH!" Jay yelled as he dropped to the ground to take in the intoxicating aroma of the weed.

"How do you know these two can responsibly run your kingdom? Aren't you at all concerned? Sarah asked Jareth.

Jareth raised his eyebrows as he looked at Sarah, "Not my problem!" He said happily.

"But Jareth, what about the goblins?" Sarah asked again.

"Sarah, they'll be fine. Silent Bob actually likes them. I have a feeling he is more suited to care for them than I am, I can't even stand the sight of them anymore! He was good to them. They are in good hands." Jareth reassured her.

Jareth looked over at Silent Bob and gave him a wink, and Silent Bob nodded to him out of respect.

"Shall we go, love?"

Sarah walked past Jareth and kissed Silent Bob on the cheek.

"Are you sure this is what you guys want?" Sarah asked him quietly

Silent Bob looked at her and smiled, "All of us here today were given a second chance. Jay and I get to stay together, the Goblins have someone who cares for them, and you and Jareth found love; Fate works in mysterious ways. Go on. Things will be just fine." He said as he pilled her into a bear hug.

Sarah smiled and moved over to Jay.

"Well it's been...er...interesting. Good luck with everything here...Oh, and Jay, remember, don't be afraid to be 'yourself'. Silent Bob is a true friend, he won't judge you."

"I already know." Silent Bob said quietly.

Jay's eyes widened in surprise.

"But you...how did you??" Jay stammered

"It's obvious Bro, but it's cool, don't sweat it." Silent Bob told him as reassurance.

Jay laughed and hugged Sarah, "Thank you, for real. Thank you for everything."

Sarah smiled and stepped back over with Jareth.

"One more thing before we go..." Sarah said to Jareth.

"Yes? What is it?"

"You can't go to my world dressed like that..." Sarah smiled

"Very well. Think of something you feel 'suits me'."

Sarah closed her eyes and smiled devilishly..."This would be interesting..." she thought to herself.


	13. The Beginning of Forever

**Jay and Silent Bob vs. The Labyrinth**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; the characters within the Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson, and Jay, Silent Bob, Dante, and Randall belong to Kevin Smith. This story however, is a figment of my imagination

AN: Whew!! This is it guys...the last chapter...This story has been a blast for me to write, I am so glad all of you enjoyed it. I would like to issue a challenge for anyone who may be up to trying their hand at it...Would any of you care to write a sequel to this story? I do not plan to, but I have left a wealth of possibilities open if anyone is interested...you have my blessing...just drop me a line and let me know if you want to try it, I may be able to offer some characterization tips. Well, there you have it...Oh, on another note, after I finish "Remember Me..." I thought I would try my hand at an original Horror...we shall see...(sorry for such a long AN)

There will be an ending AUTHOR'S NOTE to thank all my reviewers.

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Chapter 13 – The Beginning Of Forever

Sarah opened her eyes and Jareth stood before her looking AMAZING...

He wore faded light denim jeans with a tear in the knee, a tight fitting "wife-beater" tank top that his amulet hung loosely over, and a black leather jacket. His hair was cut short with both light and dark highlights, and a cigarette hung from his lips.

"My...oh my...that is...nice..." Sarah said a little speechless at his devastatingly beautiful body.

"Yes, I find it very agreeable. Are you ready to go?"

"Y...YES!!" Sarah managed as she continued to stare open-mouthed at Jareth's new look.

As Sarah moved into Jareth's embrace to be transported, she leaned close to him and whispered in his ear, "So does this mean if I fear you, love you, and do as you say, you will be may slave?"

Jareth gave her a sexy smile and whispered back in a husky voice, "It depends on what kind of slave you are looking for..."

Sarah laughed as he transported them back to the Quick Stop parking lot.

"Jareth, has any time passed here since we have been gone?"

"Not, I brought you back only a minute or so after we left."

"Do they remember anything?" Sarah asked him.

"Who?"

"The clerks in the store..."

"I suppose...I never altered their memories."

"Wait right here, I'll go in and talk to them. We can't have those two talking craziness to the media."

Jareth nodded in understanding and stood waiting for her in the parking lot by her car as she headed into the store.

Sarah went into the Quick Stop and headed right for the two clerks behind the counter.

"HOLY SHIT! Where did you just come from? We just saw you disappear!" Dante said alarmed

"Yeah...about that..." Sarah began to explain, "I just wanted to let you know, Jay and Silent Bob are fine, but they won't be coming back here anytime soon..."

"For real? Those two dealers won't be loitering in front of the store anymore?" Randall asked Sarah as if trying to comprehend what she was telling them.

"Yeah. They have a much larger place to loiter now." Sarah laughed as she thought of them.

"They're not loitering in front of Big Choice Video, are they? I didn't think a place like that would allow that type of thing..." Dante asked.

"No..No...They aren't even in New Jersey." Sarah laughed.

"Well, where are they? Not that I care really, those two stoners are constantly stealing shit from here." Dante said to Sarah.

"Well, since you saw everything that happened earlier, I guess I can tell you. Jay wished Silent Bob away to the goblins as you saw, and Jareth, the KING of the goblins came and took him. In order for us to get Silent Bob back, I had made a deal with jareth, as you saw to stay with him IF he let me help Jay run the Labyrinth..." Sarah explained.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...what exactly is the Labyrinth..." Randall asked with genuine curiosity.

"The Labyrinth is a gigantic maze that surrounds the Castle where Silent Bob was being held. Jay and I had 13 hours to solve it and get to the castle, or Silent Bob would be turned into a goblin forever."

"That makes sense..." Dante interjected sarcastically.

"Anyways, Jay and I did our best to get through it, but we came up 5 minutes short. Jay would've been sent back here alone leaving Silent Bob to live life as a goblin, and I had already surrendered myself to Jareth. As unexpected as it was, things came to a turn around when Jareth decided to offer a compromise. He offered Jay and Silent Bob a chance to stay and take over the Goblin Kingdom, and Jareth would abducate his title to them to return here with me. Somehow, through all that craziness, Jareth and I fell in Love. Jay chose to stay with Silent Bob in the goblin Kingdom, so that's where they are. Did any of that make sense??"

"Ok, so you're telling me Jay and Silent bob live in another realm now, and won't be loitering in front of the store?" Dante asked her as he tried to let what she had just said sink in.

"Yes, that's pretty much it." Sarah smiled.

"How the fuck did all that happen in like 5 minutes time??" Dante asked confused.

"It wasn't really five minutes...it was hours...a little over 13 hours to be exact. Jareth re-ordered time to take us back here just after we initially left."

"You know what? This is too much. I have freaks in tights showing up out of thin air, people disappearing and re-appreaing, Glitter being thrown around, and the two assholes I can't stand won't ever be back to bother me...well, that isn't such a bad thing, but the rest is too much to take in...and you know what the best part is? I'm NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!!!" Dante shouted.

"Relax...you need to be more open minded my friend." Randall said smiling, completely ok with the knowledge of what just took place.

Dante sighed and put his head on his arms over the counter.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you guys weren't too freaked out and wouldn't do anything rash like make a big deal out of all this to the press. So, Is everything cool?" Sarah asked them both hoprefully.

"Yeah...yeah I guess I can deal with it." Dante sighed.

"Good. I'm gonna see if Jareth wants anything before we leave."

Sarah waved to Jareth to come into the store. As he walked up to the counter, Dante and Randall both had to take a double take at Jareth.

"Is that??"

"Yeah...he lives here with me now. I couldn't very well have him walking around in his other clothes, people would stare." Sarah said simply.

"Wow...he looks a LOT like that weird singer...you know, the one with all the alter egos...Ziggy something or other..." Randall said trying to place his look.

"You mean David Bowie...Ziggy Stardust was just one of his personalities." Dante corrected him.

"Yeah! That's it. He looks a LOT like David Bowie...it's uncanny..."

Sarah looked at jareth and smiled as she thought to herself, 'He may look like David Bowie, but we all know who he really is...'

Jareth looked around the store and at Dante and Randall. There was only one other person in the store, but he seemed to be just sipping his coffee quietly by the register.

"I'll take a pack of cigarettes" Jareth said to Dante as he slid a magically created five dollar bill across the counter.

"Are you sure?" The guy beside the counter asked Jareth as he made a move to show him pictures of a cancer-ridden lung.

"I told you, you are not allowed back in the store if you are going to bother my customers!" Dante yelled at the guy who was already headed towards the door before Dante could get ahold of him.

"Cancer Merchant!" The guy yelled at Dante as he took off running through the parking lot.

"What an asshole. At least I didn't get pelted with cigarettes this time." Dante grumbled.

Jareth followed Sarah out of the store, cigarettes in hand, as they headed to her car.

"You're gonna have to stay with me in the dorm until we can find an apartment off campus somewhere. After that we'll just take things one step at a time. I don't know about you, but ah, I'd like to see what kind of a slave you'd make..." Sarah said playfully

"Well, lets not keep you waiting..." Jareth whispered in her ear as he pulled her close to him. "I've been waiting a long time for this..." As he kissed her hard, years worth of passion exploded in his kiss; so much so that it made Sarah literally weak in the knees.

"Um...yeah...Let's go to my dorm room..." Sarah said breathlessly as Jareth broke the kiss. Jareth laughed as he noticed the desire clouding her eyes. Finally, things were just as they should be; Jareth had Sarah's love, and Sarah had the man of her dreams.

* * *

MEANWHILE back in the Castle Beyond the Goblin City....

Silent Bob passed Jay the blunt and exhaled the smoke slowly as if to savor it. Jay took the blunt from Silent Bob and looked around at the goblins in the throne room , who were looking a little lost.

"Hey little Goblin dudes, lets get this party started!" Jay yelled as he stood up. Suddenly, several large kegs of ale appeared around the room and the goblins cheered happily.

Jay looked at Silent Bob, "Should we...ah...get some people at this party? You know, like chicks and shit?"

Silent Bob nodded and urged Jay to go for it. The more the merrier.

Jay stood and said out loud, "Get some Nymphomaniac bitches up in this throne room!"

The throne room was suddenly filled with several scantily clad women (as well as a few random men in spiked dog collars) appeared draped seductively around the pillow pits in the center of the throne room.

"Silent Bob, I don't know about you, but it's good to be the Mother Fuckin KING!!! Raise your hands to the Mother Fuckin NOOCH!" Jay shouted as the party officially kicked off. ACDC's "Back In Black" filled the throne room as the blunts were passed, ale was drank, goblins swung from chandeliers, and both Jay and Silent Bob couldn't be happier at the center of it all. Yup, It was one kick ass party happening in the underground...

THE END...

* * *

Ending AN:

A Huge thank you first and foremost to JESTER (my faggit..oops, I mean sister...hehe) She has been my beta through all this madness...Thanks Buddy!

Thank you to:

Illaona

Naina Motz

Prettylittleowl

Dawn1

Sweet Audrina

Barbie3sunset

Little Raziel

Midnight lady

Scattered Logic

I'm an angry gumball

M1A1

Alorindanya

Lynette

Goddessvixen

Labyris

Slytherin Groupie

Zabella

Morgen

Luna

Zarine

Stefanie

CandyJMF

Gibbly Wibbly

Lady Mags

Jessie Deal

Julie

Warwick

And Last but Most CERTAINLY not least, K L Morgan...

You Guys kick some serious ass. You kept me motivated and wanting to continue this farce of a fic, and I am so happy that you all enjoyed it. I did my job well If you laughed out loud, snorted, peed your pants, got the hiccups, of fell on the floor in a fit of giggles...Thank you all, you're the best, **chocolate covered Jareths for you all**


End file.
